After having read a lot of blogs lately, it’s becoming clear how much struggle, loss and heartbreak adoptive parents go through.  It has made me appreciate our situation and I felt the need to share with you all why I feel lucky.

**We are lucky to be a part of the adoption circle now.  We get comments from people who are in all phases of the adoption cycle from beginning to end.  It so fun to read your blogs and hear what you have to say about ours.  It’s great to see pictures of your families, learn from your experiences and have your support.

**We are lucky to have met some incredible people, who are quickly becoming friends.  You know who you are, but your emails and phone calls have been amazing.  Your knowledge, information and willingness to help is seriously rare these days.  Thank you so much.  I am so happy to know I have a friend to hang out with through the adoption future.  Hopefully coffee, in person, someday.

**We are lucky that we have not had to struggle with infertility.  After having read some blogs, I have gotten a small glimpse into that world.  I am thankful that we haven’t had to endure it.  Like I’ve mentioned before, we are choosing adoption.  It’s true; Frank can’t have children due to a stem cell transplant that cured him of CML (Leukemia).  At first, he was devastated.  I wasn’t.  Of course, I was sorry he was upset, but I always knew I would adopt.  When I was little, my pretend family was adopted children - the role played by my favorite dolls.  So, when we got the news that he was unable to have children of “his own,” I responded with a shrug of the shoulders, a smile and “guess we’ll have to adopt.”  Once I explained myself, we both felt like it was what we were meant to do together.

**We are lucky we are not in a rush. (see above bullet #3) A wise woman recently pointed this out to me. (see bullet #2) I think a lot of people who have been through so much with infertility come to adoption with a hurry up mentality because finally they have something guaranteed to hold on to.  I totally get that and I am sure I’d feel the same way.  However, we haven’t been through any treatments, this is our first attempt.  We’re doing it when we’re ready and because of that there is no need to hurry it along.  (That’s not to say that sometimes I don’t wish we could fast forward to the point in our lives where we’re close to meeting our child.)  But, not rushing means we are able to take our time, being very selective – another big positive.

**We are lucky our personal lives are going the way we set them up to go.  Frank is working at the Big Four.  A dream come true for him because it will lead to bigger and better opportunities when we move back to the States.  (I still don’t get what the fun is with numbers, taxes, etc – but he is thrilled)  I am in medical school and succeeding.  A dream come true for me.  Sometimes with all the work and relocation/adoption planning, we forget to take a minute to look around at our life and be thankful for what we have now.  We are living our dream and we are living on a tropical island.  Does it get much better?  (well, we could have a Starbucks on the island, our family and our cat here… but this post is about not complaining isn’t it….)

view from our porch

Okay, so enough already… just felt compelled to tell you all that I feel lucky and thankful.  Here’s hoping you all have something you feel lucky for in your worlds.

Okay, so I think this will be the last of the Name Game posts.

The origin of this topic began with Elle’s post, which discussed Russian names and whether or not to keep them. (Sadly, that blog has been retired, but you can still read the archives.)  Her post got me thinking.  Elle’s point was that it is nice to keep something from the child’s culture.  She and her husband considered Russian names in their great search for the perfect name.  As for me, I have two very contradictory opinions on this subject. 

On one hand, maybe their birthmother chose the name for them.  One could appreciate that as an adult.  It can also be argued that keeping the Russian name gives the child something cultural to hold on to about themselves.  Keeping the Russian name is a very nice way to honor their culture.  Also, if one is looking for an original name, Russian names (like Oleg) are pretty darn uncommon in the US.  Finally, if the child is older, this brings up an entirely more complex debate.  Maybe the kid is old enough to want to keep their name and voice that opinion.  In that case, I would think it is fair to let them keep it.

Now, on the other hand… (and please don’t be offended if you LOVE the idea of keeping the Russian name …. I respect that decision … if you don’t believe me, read the above paragraph again)…. however, the child is becoming an American.  We are adopting them and bringing them to our culture.  They have to fit into school and certain Russian names will no doubtedly end in torment and endless name jokes.  Further, the name was given to the child by a woman who gave the child up.  (I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic because I do realize how incredibly horrible it would be to have to do that….)  But still, the woman is not the child’s mommy.  We, the adoptive parents, are the Mommy and Daddy.  The ones who give all the daily love.  So, why not give the child a name that means something to us?  I think that should count for something.  It is also common knowledge that a lot of kids have names given to them by the caretakers at the orphanages.  Again, these women are amazing and we are all thankful for their hardwork and compassion….. but, they are not the mommy’s either.  We are.

You see, I have very mixed feelings on this topic.  My compromise:  Middle name = Russian Name.  I say that now, but will I follow through with that…. who knows?!  And do I have the "magic" list of middle names we love, why yes, of course!

***

Another NAME PROBLEM….  Family names.  How many of you have had a family member say one of the following:

**You should use the name (insert random name here) that was my great, great grandmother’s sisters cousins husbands name.  It’s lovely and would be nice to keep in the family.  Don’t you think? 

(ahh, I don’t know that person.  In fact, I’ve never heard of them until now.  I like the idea of family names, but this person meant nothing to me personally…. so, ahhh, I, ummm, I dunno.  Thanks for the suggestion.)

**You know that my maiden name was Jazzabelle.  Since no one is carrying on that name, maybe you could use it.  It would be nice as a middle name at least… don’t you think? 

(ahh, I, umm, I dunno.  I will talk to Frank about it.  He, umm, should get to a say so.  So, ummm, thanks for the suggestion.)

**You know your middle name has been in our family for three generations, you are planning to keep the tradition going, right? 

(umm, well, yes, I guess, I, umm, haven’t really thought about it.  But, umm, yeah, that sounds like a good suggestion.)

**I’ve always loved the name Gertrude.  In fact, I was going to name your Dad Gertrude if he was a girl.  When you adopt a daughter that’s what you should call her. 

(umm, Really?  I never knew that.  I’ll, ahh, have to keep that one in mind.)

what we’re really thinking is …. OH GOD, PLEASE DON’T LET THIS PERSON SUGGEST YET ANOTHER NAME TO ME…. and what we really want to say is…. I’M SORRY BUT THE NAMES MILDRED LEE GERTRUDE AND ADAIR ARE NOT OUR LIST AND THERE IS NO WAY POSSIBLE WE CAN PLEASE EVERYONE.  SO, HOW ABOUT YOU STOP SUGGESTING RANDOM NAMES AND JUST WAIT UNTIL WE DECIDE WHAT THE NAME IS GOING TO BE!?  HOW ABOUT THAT?!  (if you’ve never had these name droppings occur, then lucky you…. as for Frank and I, we haven’t even put in our application and we’re already hearing this….)

***

If you’re still reading, I’m impressed… I am long winded today! 

Actually, I’m just trying to finish this topic.  Last bit, I promise.

So the last thing I wanted to mention is the whole "I call the name ___"  What is it with girls?  It’s like once someone you know has said, "In sixteen years I will name my child ____ and my twins ____ & _____."  Then, that means you can no longer consider those names.  If you do, you are a traitor.  Even if the person is not even dating someone…. those names are hands off.  I can understand this phenomena if you are pregnant or adopting and you say, we are going to name our child Xavier.  Then, if your cousin goes and names her kid Xavier two months before you are due or the child comes home…. then I would be quite annoyed.  Just wondering what you guys think about this?  Has it happened to you?

Finally, what aboutr naming kids in the same family with similar names?  I know is some cultures that is common place.  For example, in the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, it was a running joke that everyone has a kid named Nick, Nicky or Nicholas.  But, what if  your name is Christen and then your sister in law names her kid Christian.  And then for the rest of your life, you mother in law will call you Christian by accident.  Would that annoy anyone else?  I’m just saying ….  ahhh, hypothetically. 

I received several comments/emails about my last post on Baby Names and thought I’d continue the topic. Plus, I have more to say on the subject. What a surprise, right?! Baby Names are so much fun and the lists, websites, books, and more go on and on and on. We just can’t seem to get enough of them. It’s funny how the names seem to have cycles. For instance, when I was little there were always several Jennifers, Sarahs, Stephanies, and Jessicas in my class. Now, it seems like you hear the names Emma and Madison everywhere. Another popular one is McKenzie.  Last year alone people spelled it 45 different ways on birth certificates.  (Mackenzie, Mckenzie, Mackenzi, Mackenzee, Mackinzie, Mackensie, Mackenize, Mackinzy, Mackinsey, Mackenzy, Mackenzey, Machenzie, Mackynzi, Mackinze, Mackenziee, Mackanzie, Macinzee, Machkenzie, Macenzie, Mckinzie, Mckenzee, Mckenzi, Mckynzie, Mckinzee, Mckenzye, Mckenzy, Mckenzey, Mckenze, Mckenize, Makenzie, Makenzi, Makenzy, Makensie, Makynzie, Makynze, Makenize, Makynzye, Makynzi, Makinzy, Makinzie, Makinzi, Makenzee, Makinze, Makinsy, Mykenzie)

Here is a list of last year’s most popular baby names:

Rank      Male name      Female name

1           Jacob             Emily

2          Michael            Emma 

3          Joshua            Madison 

4          Matthew          Abigail

5           Ethan            Olivia

6          Andrew          Isabella

7           Daniel          Hannah 

8         Anthony        Samantha

9        Christopher        Ava

10        Joseph            Ashley

Some of the names on the "popular" list used to be some of our favorites. However, I just feel like I don’t want our child to have an uber popular, overused name. This is not to say we don’t like or even love some of the names on that list. I just don’t want our daughter to be another Sarah. (No offense to any Sarah’s out there.) On the other hand, you have people who are so anti-typical names that they come up with unusual ones. If this is your thing, than good for you, but I just can’t seem to get over some of the names I’ve heard lately. For instance, one of my good friends told me her and her husband would like to name their daughter Nevaeh (Heaven spelled backwards). These are two people from Wisconsin who grew up in a typical small town, both with very common names. I was really surprised that she would pick something like that. The meaning is nice, I get that. However, I don’t really want our kids to have names people can’t pronounce either.  I’ve also noticed a lot of people lately have been adding random y’s in names. I think this started with the whole Cayden, Ayden, Hayden phase. Now I see names like Mycheal, Jennyfer and Wyllow.  Another fad is taking the male names for girls to a whole new level. I always had friends that were girls named Andrea and Danielle, called Andie and Dani, or my sister Samantha, called Sam. Now I’ve heard of people naming their daughters Jaycen, Kyle, Rhyon, Jordyn and Charli.

Now people get so sensitive and crazy for baby names that I’m sure I’ve perturbed a few of you. Please forgive me. These are only my humble opinions, and I did not mean to say that your daughter Jaycen Nevaeh Smith is not the most beautifully well suited name for your precious baby girl. I am only saying that I personally would not choose that name for my child. Glad you did, though. It made for a lovely topic of discussion. I still have more to say on the topic of baby names, so stay tuned for part III….

After reading a post by Elle - about naming her son - I started to think and decided I would her idea over to my blog for discussion.

Like many other couples, we have that magic list of names that we’ve discussed & noted in our minds for later use (shamefully, I have written out on paper too many times to count).  The names we like range from traditional to modern to family names.  We’ve tossed around names that I swore were "the one" and then a week later hated.  I’ve chosen several that Frank has completely refused and he has mentioned some that I immediately vito-ed.  All pretty silly considering we have no children and this has been going on for years.  I guess it’s just one of those traditional things couples do together.  And we knew eventually we’d have children … so why not?!  Sometimes this would happen if one of our friends or family members was pregnant, or just announced the name they had chosen.  Sometimes it would happen because we’d be watching a movie or tv show and one of us would randomly blurt out that "Tom Dick Harry" was the coolest name ever.  (no, neither of us ever really liked the name Tom Dick Harry)  Now this little game is happening more frequently, because we are on the path towards adoption.  Tossing around names makes the idea that this adoption will happen more real somehow.

I’ve been warned that choosing a name before we meet our child is dangerous.  What if we lose the child?  What if the name doesn’t fit?  I understand and appreciate the advice, but that’s just not the way we see things.  If, God forbid, we lost a child - we would chose another name.  Not difficult to do since we have about 6 (3 girl, 3 boy) that we like anyway and we have no plans of having a family of 8!  As for whether or not a name fits - I think people grow into names.  They just stick somehow.

Like I said, we have a list.  Who knows if it will change in the next year or so, but we do have a list.  We have chosen not to tell anyone our list.  The reason is simple.  Adoption doesn’t give you as many surprises as a regular pregnancy.  We can choose the sex, the race, the country, the timeframe.  The basics can be planned for. (not that there aren’t still surprises).  But, you know what I mean.  We though it would be nice for our family to still have some surprise to look forward to … and besides, it’s a kind form of torture.  hehe.   They will find out our child’s name when we bring our child home.

more of the name game to come … next time … Russian names - to keep them or not, honoring family names, popular names and Why people go crazy for baby names….

There are a lot of people in the "adoption world" that are becoming new friends.  So for those of you who already know me all to well, please skip this post.  For the rest of you, here is possibly more than you ever wanted to know….

• I tend to laugh at inappropriate times.
• I’m an expert car singer. 
• I rarely get cold even when the temperature drops below 15 degrees during a MI winter.
• Pigs are my favorite animal (but please don’t tell my cat ).
• I have no qualms about taking the last piece of brownie.
• I could get lost, quite happily, all day in a gossip magazine. 
• I can’t stand to wear socks. 
• I consider Cooking my favorite type of art (black and white photojournalism takes a close second).
• My current favorite spot is my porch hammock over looking the Caribbean Sea.
• I don’t believe in excuses, not even my own.
• I’m thoroughly and appallingly addicted to Qdoba Queso Burritos.
• My need to travel is up there with my need to breathe.
• I never, ever second-guess my intuition.
• I adore my husband.
• Clubs and bars are not my scene.
• I’m passionate about medicine.
• I’m totally stuck on romantic dramas (especially the Notebook, Pearl Harbor and Love Story).
• My bladder is the size of a thimble.
• I prefer paper over plastic.
• Tulips and Peonies make me swoon.
• My favorite room is the kitchen but, will be the nursery.
• I prefer to use a gel ink pen to write with.
• I love Cherry Blossoms in bloom.
• If you can get me laughing, we’ll probably be friends.
• I love a good muscial or play.
• When I want something badly enough, I usually get it.
• I still blush at Frank’s little love notes.
• I think the best smell in the world is fresh towels from the dryer.
• Our wedding song was "Songbird" by Eva Cassidy
• Fall is my favorite season… except, for spring. (It’s a toss-up.)
• I love the art of Jack Vettriano.
• I bruise easily– physically and emotionally.
• If I had to choose one shop in the world it would be Pottery Barn (though William Sonoma takes a close second).
• I work best under pressure.
• Those whom I trust, I trust wholeheartedly.
• I’m a sucker for interior design and lovely paint colors.
• My idea of heaven: A good book and a glass of wine, enjoyed with Frank. 
• I’m really, really bad at giving up on people.
• I can’t bear having the hiccups.
• I secretly love no longer being an only child.  ie, my step sisters - Sam (14) and Taylor (11)
• When I get the giggles, it’s hard to stop.
• As a child, I never wanted to get out of the pool and often pretended to be a mermaid.
• I’ve never liked my freckles.
• If I could have my dream garden, it would like a scene from the movie "What Dreams May Come."
• Somehow I always manage to get toothpaste on my shirt.
• I feel blessed and honored to practice medicine.
• I would do anything for those whom I love.

Over the past month or so, Frank and I have really confirmed our decision to adopt.  We’ve had many, long conversations about "the plan."  We have to finish our time here and then move.  Once we are settled - I’m giving us one month, because I can’t wait any longer than that - we are going to send in the I600A with attached documentation and apply to the agency.  We’re hoping that things will move quickly and we will be able to have our homestudy and paper collection completed within two - three months.  From there it’s more hopes and tentative plans and a schedule that I’ve become obsessive about writing out for myself.  I don’t know why.  Maybe to make myself feel better - like this is actually going to happen someday.

I just don’t know what my deal is.  I feel like I don’t want to wait to start this - can’t wait.  Did anyone else feel like this?  It’s strange because I’ve always been so focused on school - undergrad, getting into med school, etc.  Frank has always been very focused on his work and schooling, too.  I guess we’re just in a place where we are feeling ready to start a family.  It’s such a strange thing to put that out there because it’s enormous!  We were those people who talked about how much we love to travel and when we found out Frank couldn’t have children, we thought no big deal - we won’t have kids.  I never really had an innate desire to give birth anyway.  But now, we can not wait to go through this adoption.  What has happened to change us?  I have no idea.

So to make myself feel like something is happening, (even though it won’t until we move back to the States and actually start the adoption next year), I have printed out a few agency applications, the I600A application and some other adoption related things.  I’ve even started an adoption binder with these documents in plastic covers.  Inside I have also included a checklist, a list of books that have been recommended on several different blogs I have read, and a few other things that I plan to do …. ugh, enough with the planning….