Comments on: What happened to For Better or For Worse? http://ellisfamily.blogsome.com/2008/01/24/what-happened-to-for-better-or-for-worse/ Ellis Family Blog - Our Russian Adoption Mon, 07 Dec 2009 13:56:33 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=1.5.1-alpha by: Melissa B. http://ellisfamily.blogsome.com/2008/01/24/what-happened-to-for-better-or-for-worse/#comment-282 Wed, 30 Jan 2008 15:38:12 +0000 http://ellisfamily.blogsome.com/2008/01/24/what-happened-to-for-better-or-for-worse/#comment-282 The state of marriages, these days, is really is sad. When we had not been married long, my immediate family was almost torn apart by this very thing (not me & N, but someone else in my immediate family). It was terribly devastating. It was someone that - I had always believed to have a strong marriage, etc. Also, a year ago, same story, different people in Nathan's family. Anyway, with the help of a counselor & some excellent books (and lots of work), so much hurt has been mended in both my & Nathan's families. But both situations gave Nathan & I a wakeup call. I had always had the same attitude as you - it WILL NOT happen to us. But as I witnessed, first hand, if we are not careful, it could! Anyway, when the first situation happened, we got our hands on an excellent book called, "His Needs, Her Needs: Affair-Proofing Your Marriage." We scoffed at the idea of reading this...afterall, OUR marriage would always be strong. But at the insistence of my family member (this is getting laborious, talking in non-specifics - sorry), Nathan & I both read it. Mostly to appease this family member. But, OMG, we are glad we did. Not only was our marriage strong to begin with, we now can make absolute certain that we are doing what we need to be doing in order to keep it completely "affair proof"!! We still read parts of it (if not the whole book) occasionally, if we feel the need...just to remember what marriage & "meeting essential needs" is all about!! Sometimes the reminder is nice. Anyway...I just wanted to chime in here & say that I'm completely with you!! And to give you an idea for a good, easy read (as if you probably need anything else? haha). Not only might it give you & Frank strength...but it could very well help you in helping your friends. Email me, if I've been totally confusing (I looked for your email, but totally can't locate it right now)! :) The state of marriages, these days, is really is sad. When we had not been married long, my immediate family was almost torn apart by this very thing (not me & N, but someone else in my immediate family). It was terribly devastating. It was someone that - I had always believed to have a strong marriage, etc. Also, a year ago, same story, different people in Nathan’s family.

Anyway, with the help of a counselor & some excellent books (and lots of work), so much hurt has been mended in both my & Nathan’s families.

But both situations gave Nathan & I a wakeup call. I had always had the same attitude as you - it WILL NOT happen to us. But as I witnessed, first hand, if we are not careful, it could!

Anyway, when the first situation happened, we got our hands on an excellent book called, “His Needs, Her Needs: Affair-Proofing Your Marriage.” We scoffed at the idea of reading this…afterall, OUR marriage would always be strong. But at the insistence of my family member (this is getting laborious, talking in non-specifics - sorry), Nathan & I both read it. Mostly to appease this family member.

But, OMG, we are glad we did. Not only was our marriage strong to begin with, we now can make absolute certain that we are doing what we need to be doing in order to keep it completely “affair proof”!! We still read parts of it (if not the whole book) occasionally, if we feel the need…just to remember what marriage & “meeting essential needs” is all about!! Sometimes the reminder is nice.

Anyway…I just wanted to chime in here & say that I’m completely with you!! And to give you an idea for a good, easy read (as if you probably need anything else? haha). Not only might it give you & Frank strength…but it could very well help you in helping your friends.

Email me, if I’ve been totally confusing (I looked for your email, but totally can’t locate it right now)! :)

]]> by: deana http://ellisfamily.blogsome.com/2008/01/24/what-happened-to-for-better-or-for-worse/#comment-278 Sat, 26 Jan 2008 00:57:34 +0000 http://ellisfamily.blogsome.com/2008/01/24/what-happened-to-for-better-or-for-worse/#comment-278 I'm with you on the whole infidelity issue! I find it incredibly GROSS that a person male or female can be intimate with someone else and his/her spouse during the same timeframe! It is sickening to the core. I find divorce a bit ground shaking. My parents divorced after 45 years of marriage. Dad passed away 2 weeks ago, and let me tell you it was HARD on my mom!!! Divorce stinks! It adds all kinds of negative emotions to life! Sounds like Diana has some great advice! I’m with you on the whole infidelity issue! I find it incredibly GROSS that a person male or female can be intimate with someone else and his/her spouse during the same timeframe! It is sickening to the core.

I find divorce a bit ground shaking. My parents divorced after 45 years of marriage. Dad passed away 2 weeks ago, and let me tell you it was HARD on my mom!!! Divorce stinks! It adds all kinds of negative emotions to life!

Sounds like Diana has some great advice!

]]> by: Allison http://ellisfamily.blogsome.com/2008/01/24/what-happened-to-for-better-or-for-worse/#comment-277 Fri, 25 Jan 2008 20:31:03 +0000 http://ellisfamily.blogsome.com/2008/01/24/what-happened-to-for-better-or-for-worse/#comment-277 We're going through the same thing. Just recently we found out that our very good friends are getting divorced. It has completely shaken me to a ridiculous degree. I mean, we went on vacation with them and our children last year and I thought everything was wonderful. Now I'm scared it's going to get ugly and we're going to be forced to "choose sides" and I absolutely don't want to do that. But even more than that, they got married right before us, have two children like us, and we have so much in common. Not that I doubt my marriage in the least; it actually has gotten stronger the longer we've been married. Sorry I'm rambling, but this topic is a hot issue for me. As for your comments on my blog, yes the CHI Russia boy is our little S. He was so little then! And also, email me privately and I'll give you the low-down on details of our current adoption. I can't find your email anywhere. We’re going through the same thing. Just recently we found out that our very good friends are getting divorced. It has completely shaken me to a ridiculous degree. I mean, we went on vacation with them and our children last year and I thought everything was wonderful. Now I’m scared it’s going to get ugly and we’re going to be forced to “choose sides” and I absolutely don’t want to do that. But even more than that, they got married right before us, have two children like us, and we have so much in common. Not that I doubt my marriage in the least; it actually has gotten stronger the longer we’ve been married. Sorry I’m rambling, but this topic is a hot issue for me.
As for your comments on my blog, yes the CHI Russia boy is our little S. He was so little then! And also, email me privately and I’ll give you the low-down on details of our current adoption. I can’t find your email anywhere.

]]> by: Diana http://ellisfamily.blogsome.com/2008/01/24/what-happened-to-for-better-or-for-worse/#comment-275 Thu, 24 Jan 2008 21:28:43 +0000 http://ellisfamily.blogsome.com/2008/01/24/what-happened-to-for-better-or-for-worse/#comment-275 I'm new to your web page (read your comment on elle's page)...so, forgive me for butting in. I just am passionate about the topic, and like your writing so far :) I find it really sad and get angered by couples I know that split also, especially considering I'm just hitting my one year anniversary with my husband. But, it's a subject I know well because I teach psychology courses in a university (and have divorce in my family). The stats say that the highest rates are before 7-10 years of marriage (and especially high when kids are involved unfortunately). The key seems to be making each other a priority. If you both are taking an interest in each other's out side of home events (work, friends, etc.), and actively try at your relationship, it all usually goes as planned. We have a date day each week to make sure we don't fall into a routine and keep focusing on each other. I’m new to your web page (read your comment on elle’s page)…so, forgive me for butting in. I just am passionate about the topic, and like your writing so far :)
I find it really sad and get angered by couples I know that split also, especially considering I’m just hitting my one year anniversary with my husband. But, it’s a subject I know well because I teach psychology courses in a university (and have divorce in my family). The stats say that the highest rates are before 7-10 years of marriage (and especially high when kids are involved unfortunately). The key seems to be making each other a priority. If you both are taking an interest in each other’s out side of home events (work, friends, etc.), and actively try at your relationship, it all usually goes as planned. We have a date day each week to make sure we don’t fall into a routine and keep focusing on each other.

]]> by: Rachael http://ellisfamily.blogsome.com/2008/01/24/what-happened-to-for-better-or-for-worse/#comment-274 Thu, 24 Jan 2008 21:16:02 +0000 http://ellisfamily.blogsome.com/2008/01/24/what-happened-to-for-better-or-for-worse/#comment-274 two of my sisters and a couple of friends have been through divorce too. yes, it is very sad. my husband and i got married very young, normally i think would not bode well, but we got both got lucky and chose well in our young, carefree states! :) (13 years! geez, I feel old saying that!) two of my sisters and a couple of friends have been through divorce too. yes, it is very sad.

my husband and i got married very young, normally i think would not bode well, but we got both got lucky and chose well in our young, carefree states! :) (13 years! geez, I feel old saying that!)

]]>